Well Joan you always make me laugh and for that I say thank you. I wish you the best and hope to see more of you doing comedy. I also missed you on match .com but here I am always a little late. Hope you will be here for a long time I think you are remarkable in all you do. always yours Mike

Mike, Mike, Mike, what can I tell you?  In the world of internet dating, if you snooze, you loose your Jews.  Oh well, easy dot com, easy dot go. --xxx Joan

I saw you in the Bronx. OH MY GOD!! I cannot believe how incredibly funny you were. My chest hurt from laughing non stop. OK, I knew you were funny, but to see your live performance was memorable.You are a riot!!! I'm online now to see when and where I can see you again.

It was a fun show, despite the fact that the median age in the theatre was 435.  You can see me every Wednesday night when I am in town at the Cutting Room in Chelsea. --xxx Joan

It sounds like the bluebird of happiness may have taken a monster dump on it's own roof!

That is why I am trying to develop a line of Duckie Depends. --xxx Joan

How do you think KFC got started?Ungrateful damn birds anyway...Lovely hat though...xoxoxo

Now that the Eagle is off the endangered species list, I am thinking about starting a chain of Kentucky Fried Eagle restaurants or I might do Kentucky Fried Hawk--Mary Tyler Moore said that she might be willing to invest. --xxx Joan

Joan, Poor June A. looks just as good in a thong or an "adult diaper". At least the diaper won't "ride up" as much....xoxoxo

But it might absorb all the water in the swimming pool if she decides to swim. --xxx Joan

SOUNDS LIKE A MAJOR ISSUE JOANIE, MY HUSBAND IS A HANDYMAN AND HE BUILDS SOME PRETTY NICE HOUSES, HUMAN AND BIRDS,UNFORTUNETLY THE BIRDS HOUSE LOOKS LIKE A BIRD HOUSE NOT THE TAJ MAHAL

When it comes to building my bird houses I don't like to be cheap. --xxx Joan

I love your dogs I have 2 Boston Terriers myself They are the best pets ever. Love them more then my kids or husband. They always love you and want to be with you. My two sleep with me how about yours?

My dogs are the best, best, best.  I call my bed the Hound Hotel...though Lulu does tend to snore and steals the blankets a bit too much for my taste...and Max farts, but on a hot night it creats a cool--if smelly--breeze. --xxx Joan

Joan, when will you come to or close to Kansas City? i want to see you live again.

Dear Tony- Nothing for k.C. on the books at the moment, but keep checking my appearances calendar on my website (www.joanrivers.com) or start a campaign to get me back.  I had a great time there --great stuff to steal at the hotel. --xxx Joan

Why does Melissa live in LA? Smog? Dirty Beaches? Sewage? Traffic? Morally Ugly Hollywood People? TV Guide Back Stabbers and Jelouse E! Channel People? Why doesn't she move to the East Coast and enjoy Park Avenue Life and your country House?

Because after that little "fall on her head" as a baby, Melissa enjoys smog, dirty beaches, sewage, traffic and morally ugly Hollywood people. You need to get your priorities straight, Lexy (if that is your real name). --xxx Joan